(Cheesy post and rants! You have been warned) I must say-

-i have never been so comfortable in my own skin before. Part of me theorizes that it's probably been the 18 months of slacking-no studying, no prepping whatsoever; GREAT FUN! :D-in T.E.P. Free child-labor it may be, but it's certainly more fun than studying. :DD

If i must say so, i certainly deserve these months of break for whatever shit i've been through in 2010.

But enough of sad talk! Well actually, this post is just to remind myself how happy and fulfilled i can let myself be-all because i want it to be so.

Sylvia dear made this all possible. <3 She told me that 'No one can make you feel like crap unless you let them.'. 'You never know what people are thinking so why bother trying to figure them out?'. and more importantly-'Trust your instincts'.

I have to say, for a girl who's spent years of crawling out of her cocoon of solitude since Sec 1,who's been trying to find her place to fit into society, those words had the impact of a sledgehammer.

Okay,maybe not that dramatic; maybe the force of..a satay stick thrusting into a cube of ice-glazed jelly. (i keep on thinking of food -_-)

But the point is, i've fully accepted myself for who i am, what i've done and do, who i am now. I'm truly done trying to fit in; comparing myself to those who have shitloads of friends; those who just radiate confidence and lead exciting lives.

I love me for who i am now! :))

Yeah very bleargh-inducing for you but i assure you, this post marks the realization that i can be happy if i choose, and want to.

I've accepted and know now, of the fact that i need a balance of outings with friends and alone-time, just idling at home with NCIS or thriller/slasher/comedy/action flicks on the telly and a mug of water and maybe a small snack on the couch rest.

Ah,simple pleasures. :)

I don't want to subject myself to manymanymany fruitless, less-than meaningful and fun outings with friends just cause i want to 'liven up the public's image of me'.

And honestly i heck what the public(meaning NYP's people,etc)think of me now. The reasoning behind this is simple.

1) My real friends-my inner circle from St Margs(not very big, i admit,haha. Soemthing to be said for quality though. :) )know who i am. They accept me and love me for who i am, as i do them.

2) If anyone spreads shit about you, it's most likely because they're the one's who're insecure inside. Haiya honestly, i'd have to direct you to Shiberty's blog posts for this-i'd end up parroting her words if i continue! Haha.

Digressing, she really is a very eloquent, genuine blogger. She's my new role model now! :)

3) You'd much rather be yourself than put yourself through the rigours and stress to living up to an image you cultivate and want everyone to believe,seriously. I've been there before and it sucks absolute balls.

4) There are, obviously, people out there who think the same way you do, feel the way you do and even share your likes and dislikes! They're out there so don't bother being fake. You'll find good, decent, honest loving people eventually.

Or well, or so i'd like to think(the loving, decent part HAHA). :)

Okay by the end of this i have realized that i have been inspired by Shiberty's blogposts. No other reason why this isn't like the other 'Dear online diary, today i did so and so and had so and so and ate what and what' right?

Goodness. What an impact she has made on me, this pretty, wise blogger. :))

Alright, i shall revert to my usual way of blogging now. Ahem.

Sooooo, the new Marketing Team came today and we showed them the ropes, brought them along to the meetings and all...they had a workshop afterwards so, at least, for the afternoon-we were free of them! :D

That sounds mean it does but honestly...i really wanted to spend the last, remaining days of BSC with Y.t and P. and the OPS peeps, just enjoying the atmosphere, all the fun and laughter and just enjoy being around them cause this won't last for long.

): What a realization.

I confided in P. that i thought the two guys were cute on Mon, and i actually blushed.

-_-

Like my entire face turned pink! Okay lah i was embarrassed at telling a guy(first time leh!)that i thought two other guys were cute. No i do not have a crush on him/them. But well, what do you expect of a girl who's been in an all girls school for 10 years eh?

#TestroneDeprivedDespo HAHAHA.

I think i'd better not bitch here because i don't want things to become more awkward than they already kinda are but to summarize it... it was unpleasant for me during the afternoon-btw aren't nicknames supposed to be used by only friends and people who you actually like...and RESPECT? Alright no more deets.

I have to say though, i did feel like clawing _______-okay, scratching, more like-whenever physical contact was made.

Resisting the urge to rant is very frusterating.

Like.

AAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I CAN SO BITCHSLAP ______ CAN!! And the proper type(palm to cheek)and even claw you okay!

I'd love and/or pay to claw you.

Okay very mini rant over.

This probably does nothing to counter my claim of 'St Marg's girls not being bitchy' but. Well.

I have to let it out somewhere...if not here...then preferably in the offender's face.

Bloody unprofessional, appalling conduct i call it!!!

Hmph anyway on to happier things.

I know who i can trust and truly treat as a friend now! ^_^ *happy* It's a classmate in MSC.

Maybe i have to work on my tact though. I scared ______with my straight-forwardness and err...well, aggressive, come to think of it, sudden approach to the topic at hand.

Unfortunately, i am one of those people who cannot take hints, or sometimes, sarcasm. You have to be detailed and straightforward with me, otherwise i prob will miss out on what you're actually saying!

That's why i don't-or rather, can't; i don't know how,honestly-beat around the bush and just get to the topic at hand...

Haiyo, tact, y you no born in me in 1993? ):

Anyway. This happy revelation came after a somewhat upsetting incident at MSC Studio earlier on in the day. Y.t was particularly...er, for the lack of a better word, physically aggressive/abusive today. Not only did she push me, she also kicked me. -__- Then in the Studio, she hit my head.

Not the weak, friendly types either-the real whack! that hurts your head!

I actually saw red and being very pissed, hit her head in retaliation and my hand skidded down, prob poking her eye in the process. When P. went 'WAH. Bitchslap!' she went 'BITCHslap'.

If it means what i think she's hinting at,well, it just fuels my frustration with her today. -_-

You see, you don't hit the head,stomach or anywhere other than the shoulders. In my opinion, anywhere, and anything else more than a friendly shove or hit to the shoulder is unacceptable.

Also Disrespectful.

How would you like it if your friends beat on you everyday because 'it's just friendly gestures mah!'.

Seriously?

I DESERVE RESPECT, not because i want it to feed my narcissism but BECAUSE I GIVE YOU RESPECT AS WELL.

And you better bloody well give me what i give you in return because it's the decent, right thing to do so.

I know i sound super angry but in reality i'm just mildly annoyed at how she treated me today. What i've stated above goes for everyone who thinks it's okay to rag on their friends 'just because'.

(My, i'm angsty and wordy today aren't i? -.-)

Anyway. Now apparently everyone thinks i'm the bad one. -_-

I tell it as it is but if you choose to take sides, fine with me. No sweat on my part.

But sheesh, you have got to learn your boundaries, manners and respect for others-actually everyone,in general.

Like wtf, you want to be subjected to such shit too just cause you think it's okay and thus, everyone behaves that way too?

-_-

Okay, rant over. Now- for real, Happy things!

My dad says we'll be flying to Taiwan(business trip)and Japan next year!!

Kyahhhhh! I cannot wait! I've never been to Taiwan before and i Cannot wait for the shopping. :DD Time to save up.

My dad's still unaware of the region we'll be travelling to in Japan, but,well...Time to Slim Down.

I've been repeating this many times but this time i'm actually putting in effort!

Like jogging, eating less(i suddenly thought of cheese and omg Now i'm feeling hungry while typing this)and walking lots...

It'd be nice to have a dog trotting beside me while walking. Haha :)

I've been to Japan twice and really-all the people there,save for two, are Very slim and slender. I was like "....! Fml!' when i first went to Japan because i felt so out of place there! I went to Osaka first, i the pics are in hard copy format(geek speak?)so i can't upload them here... i only rmb the 100yen shop and snow crab sashimi.

The snow crab was AWESOMEEEE! :DD Delicious, cold and salty, perfect with hot rice! Delicious. :D'

My second visit was to Hokkaido...lovely scenery! But this time round, the people there really irked me. Old couples kept on giving us unfriendly, relentless stares(like they stare at you for the entire period of time you're around?!)and girls actually gave me bitchy stares. Seriously.

Apparently it's because Japan hates China for all the bad things tey've done(tainted milk scandals,etc...)and since my family looks like ethnic Chinese, well -_-.

Certainly hope this trip will make up for the bad impression Japan left on me! :))

Omg and Hokkaido's Curry, milk and sweet corn were FAB!!!

Dad says we'll be in Taiwan for 5 days and Japan for...a week? Idk if we're gonna fly from country to country though.

That's gonna be a lot of money(taiwan to jap currency...idk if there'll be enough to shop with!)and outfits.

The first thing that popped into my mind were images- 'Red cardi, match with this and that!'

:DD Gonna have So much fun dressing up,i tell you.

Dressing up overseas is always more fun than in Singapore...here, everyone's style is just -_-.

Slippers, tees and shorts.

Dull! And when you really dress up, somehow there's this nagging feeling that you're being critiqued and judged for what you wear.

Such is the fashion scene in Singapore. -_-

Or maybe i'm just being paranoid. LOL.

Okayomg really have to go sleep now. My eyelids are literally heavy and i wanna rise early to watch Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids. :DD Ah,simple pleasures~

Nights! :)

XOXO